Graduate Recital Report

My graduate recital was a smashing success. I get pretty nervous to play for people. I never play as well in public as I do in a practice session. A few weeks before my recital I had a pretty negative performing experience which prompted me to go get a prescription from a doctor for a beta-blocker, which blocks your fight-or-flight physical response. I got a prescription for propanellol in 10mg pills and tried them in a few different doses in various settings and decided on 30mg, spread over a couple of hours. The day before the recital my friend Kim was flying in, and my daughter came down with vomiting and a terrible fever. So I decided to get out of dodge and go get a hotel room downtown so I wouldn't get sick and miss my culminating recital. Kim and I had a grand old time. We went out to dinner at my favorite downtown sushi place, Yoi Tomo's. We picked up a birthday cake from Cafe de Paris and ate it in our hotel room (Happy Birthday, Kim!). We met with the sound guy at school and laid some footage for some recordings for my "solo album" that I hope to finish next year. Kim and I always pack a ton of stuff in a day.

The next day we went for a pedicure together. I went and visited my alternative doctor who does a kind of physio/psycho-therapy with me. He gave me something to spray under my tongue that was supposed to "balance my yin." Whatever. I just know I felt better afterwards. I took my ipod and my yoga mat to school and warmed up really slowly for about 30 minutes at a time: play for 30 minutes, rest for 30, play for 30, rest for 30, play for 30. I felt nice and warm but not worn out. I think it was a good strategy.

By the time I went on stage, I was still apprehensive because I wanted it to go well, but I had no physical symptoms: no cold hands, no tremors, no racing heartbeat, no short shallow breathing. I had somewhere between 125-150 people in my audience. When I walked out onstage, I looked out at all those people clapping for me and couldn't see anyone but my best friend Kim and my husband Scott. It's kind of weird to look out and see so many people and yet not be able to SEE them. As the night went along, I could recognize more of them as I looked out into the audience.

I seem to remember stopping 3 or 4 times, and that I didn't always play the form of the pieces exactly like I had learned (circling around a few times or skipping some things) but I don't remember WHERE the problems were, and I was able to just move along and not dwell on the mistakes when they happened. It was a more enjoyable experience than I've ever had in a public performance. Usually I feel like I just committed a crime against humanity during and after a recital. This time, it was much better. I don't think beta-blockers will help EVERYONE, but they helped me. I don't think it will help if you have self-destructive thought patterns, or if you don't practice adequately. But it helped me a lot.

I played the Chopin 4th Ballade as well as I ever have, with no issues. I was really proud of it, it being the longest and most "advanced" of the pieces on my program.

I had a beautiful reception afterwards, arranged by my friends Monica and Ruth. The food was delicious and visually stunning. I was totally wiped out, but it was fun to visit with everyone. I felt so much support from my students, from my music teacher friends, from my professors, from church friends, and my family. My parents, Mikelle, and Kevin drove up from Utah to see me! And, my dad's cousin Woody and his wife Susan came! What an honor it was to have so many friends there.

I can't wait to be done studying for finals so I can learn some more music. I ordered the Mompou Chopin Variations and they are at Dunkley's waiting for me to pick them up, along with the Chopin Barcarolle. That would be a nice CD, the Chopin Ballade, Barcarolle, and the Mompou variations. I'm off to a good start.

4.0

I got a 4.0!!! It only took me till I was 37. My first one ever. I am pretty proud. Last semester I got a 3.97, robbed by Theory Review, which was only one credit hour and yet I did about 10 hours a week of homework in order to get an A- or B or something. Still, pretty good for a semester with three academic classes in addition to private lessons. This semester I had Advanced Form and Analysis, Survey of Jazz, and Private Lessons. Today I got to see my papers from my jury, and they didn't say much. The one comment that made me very proud was from Halimah Brugger. She said that I had come such a very long way this year. I really respect her musicianship. I didn't see any comments from my own teacher. I'm pretty proud, though. Just goes to show that if you work hard and play your heart out, you can make mistakes and still be considered a fine musician. I wonder if they give less than A's to anyone here? I don't hear about it, if they do.

On another positive note, Alexis was awarded a prize for photography on the state level of the Reflections contest today!! I was so happy for her and so VERY proud.

What I Have Learned

I finished my last final tonight!! I'm officially a 2nd year grad student now. Don't you think this occasion warrants a blog entry? Here are some things I learned that I never knew before:

1. I know the difference between simple and rounded binary form.
2. I know the difference between a bridge and a re-transition.
3. I can define bebop
4. I know how to write in Chicago style
5. I learned all about accompanist Andre Benoist and made the acquaintance of his son, Albert.
6. I RE-learned how to modulate and
7. how to harmonize figured bass and
8. how to identify all the various augmented 6th chords (Do you think that will ever stick in my brain? I've forgotten already)
9. I discovered Mary Lou Williams
10. I became painfully aware of the effects of the Jim Crow laws in the South
11. I discovered Fred Hersch
12. I learned to play the Chopin 4th Ballade!!
13. And the Rachmaninoff 4th piano concerto!!
14. And Granados' El Pelele!!
15. My kids learned how to do laundry (lol)
16. I learned that the world will not end if I don't clean my house
17. I learned that if I get up early, I can accomplish 3x more in my day
18. I learned that my husband would stand by me while I accomplish a dream of mine (What a guy; he has been very supportive)
19. I've tried to learn to be respectful of authority. Don't know if I'll ever learn that really well, but I'm making strides :)
20. I learned that if you have a dream, no one is going to pursue it for you. You pretty much have to step forward and take it!

It's been a great year. SOOO glad it's over.

Music Scores: To Mark or Not to Mark?

I have always been taught to never write in my music scores in pen. When we were kids,we would only mark in our music in pencil, and then we'd erase all of the markings in the music every time we played for an adjudicator. This way, we'd be more likely to be able to pull the wool over their eyes because we wouldn't tip them off to our problem spots when they saw markings in our music. The sad part about this is that I don't get to have the souvenir of all my teacher's suggestions. One particular teacher made brilliant suggestions in my music, not to mention gorgeous handwriting, but now I don't have her suggestions since I always erased everything before an audition.

Now that I'm in graduate school, I don't see a need for a clean score, unless you just can't stand looking at your handwriting. In fact, at my last jury, I was not required to present scores of any of the music I played. They jury made their decision strictly on the sound and the effectiveness of the performance.

Nowadays, I write all over my music. Sometimes I even use a highlighting marker (Gasp! Yes! Ink!). I particularly like to make a note of fingerings, so I don't have to make them up all over again every time I practice. I think it makes for efficient note learning (especially in my level of playing, where 30 notes per second are flying by). I like to make a note of the harmonies or patterns that are going on in the music, to help me in memorization. These days, I even mark the date I learned a section, or a metronome marking at which I played the section to keep track of my progress. A little marking can be a journal of sorts, right there in your music. I see it as one more way to document all my hours of hard work on this intangible art which exists only in time.

The Gods Have Smiled

I finally did it! I passed my Theory Predictive Exam. I'm sure my friends are all sick of listening to me worry and complain about it, but now I just got word today that I passed. I took it once early this fall, and didn't pass, so I had to take the Theory Review class that taught us everything we were supposed to learn in our entire undergraduate theory experience in just one semester. I knew a lot of it, but the most difficult things felt like I was hearing them for the first time, so it was really a challenge for me. If I didn't pass it, I would have had to go back and start again in Freshman Theory, which would be not fun and very embarrassing. Passing this test was a pre-requisite for registering for everything else, so I feel like the gods have smiled on me.

"Which Gods?" you ask. Apollo, of course! He was the Greek god of music and the arts. Boy, did I enjoy the time I spent in Greece. I'm hoping that he will continue to smile on me and help me to remember everything I learned, so I will not be in the same boat if I every decide to go to graduate school. Isn't this a wonderful image of him? Statues like this one are part of the reason the Greeks were chastised in the New Testament. Maybe I'll go to lunch at my favorite Greek restaurant next week to celebrate finishing my first semester of graduate school.

Magnum Opus

Yesterday in my Music Research class, the question was posed, "Why do research?" Some of the class members seemed to ask, "Why, indeed?" I'm interested in doing research, but also in doing many other creative musical projects. Why? Because there's so much that needs to be done, and if I have an idea of something that "someone" should do, that probably means that I should be the one to do it! Such as a subject that should be explored, or a book that should be written, or a workshop that would be valuable, or an album that should be recorded, or a piece that should be arranged. Why would we want to take the time to do these things? So you don't go along living a meaningless life! Not that teaching lessons and playing concerts isn't meaningful, but because we can do MORE that is even more lasting. We can contribute to how people think about music and how music is taught. So where does one start? In the words of the old Mormon song, "Go and do something today!" What will your Magnum Opus be? I have some ideas of several projects I'd like to complete at some point. It has been suggested that you write a hypothetical obituary, and use that for a starting point on formulating some long term goals. What do you want to be remembered for doing? It takes a lifetime to accomplish your lifework, so we'd better get busy! Meanwhile, I'm going to graduate with honors from this master's program.