Back to the Grind

Well, my friends, Christmas is over (sort of). I'm back to work on my studying for my music history predictive exam, which will be on January the 14th (I think). It's a great big test. I counted 280 items that I have to explain and date and name the nationality for (composers, forms, terms, publications, compositions). It's kind of like getting ready to pass the bar. I've just been studying for about 90 minutes, and I got 10 flashcards prepared. I haven't really STUDIED concepts, just gathered some information so I can study it eventually. I have about 85/280 flashcards now. It's slow going. I took about 3 days off for Christmas, but I have to get back to work now!

Scott and I watched "Julie and Julia" again last night. I was inspired. Julia Child inspires me to just keep on working toward my goal of being the best that I can be. I loved Julie's story, as well, reaching out toward people who might have a common interest by way of her little blog. Is anyone out there? I wonder if anyone reads this.

Kevin is home for another week, and everyone (but me) goes back to school in a week. It's kind of a tricky thing to balance my time over the break, because everyone is home on vacation, but this really can't be a vacation for me. I need to keep working toward passing this exam, and I should be practicing, as well. I've been working on learning Granados' "El Pelele." Do you know it? Youtube it. It's a very happy and DIFFICULT piece. I'm working hard, and making a tiny bit of progress at a time - just like Julie and Julia.

Choosing a Piano Teacher

I have to shake my head when the biggest determining factor in choosing a music teacher becomes proximity. I want to say, "OK, I guess we'll talk in 5 or 6 years when you have paid out several thousand dollars to an ineffective teacher and you still can't play." As if I had room for one more student anyway, which I don't.

I almost posted that on FaceBook, and then realized it sounded really pouty. Even so, what they probably mean is that they can't afford me, which is silly, because they are throwing their money away to these neighbor ladies that know NOTHING. Can I express to you how many times I have tried to pick up the pieces when a child has had years of BAD TRAINING? It's impossible to do: like Humpty Dumpty. Let's just say that this phrase has NEVER been uttered by my students: "I took piano lessons for 6 years and I still know nothing." How many times have people said that to me about the neighbor lady they studied with? COUNTLESS. I need to come up with a tactful way of saying that to the parents who call inquiring about lessons.

On a lighter note, I got a 3.9 this semester. I'm pretty proud of myself. I wonder why I couldn't get a 4.0? I did SOOO much homework for that Theory credit, which was one credit hour and cost me my 4.0. Probably 5-10 hours a week. Oh well. I'm going to be happy with a 3.9. That's the highest grade point I've ever earned.

Food for Thought

Benjamin Franklin said, "If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing."

I think blogging, or journaling, or any kind of record keeping persuades a person to live a better life (as this quote implies!). Love it!

This poem in no way reflects my life at the present moment

I love this poem, even though it is irrelevant to me.

The Tulips

by Ricky Ian Gordon

The tulips at that perfect place
crane their necks with liquid grace
like swans who circling, collide
within the lake this vase provides.

They stood like soldiers, stiff, before
as if they had been called to war.
In two days more, when petals fall,
I will entomb them in the hall

with trash; the morning's coffee grinds,
old newspapers, and lemon rinds.
It's bitter that such loveliness
should come to this,
could come to this.

But now their purpleness ignites
the room with incandescent lights.
Their stamens reach their yellow tongues
to lick the air into their lungs
through stems attached to whitish manes.
The pistil stains.

And even though there are no bees
about the room for them to please,
I take them in like honey dew-
and buzzing now,
I think of you...

I think of you who bought me these,
at least,
I wish you had,
as that might ease the ache
of passing hours.
A love is dying, like these flowers.

Where's Apollo When I Need Him?

Well friends, my jury is over. It was kind of a saga.

I tend to have some troubles with my nerves, so I was very careful to plan out my morning and have plenty of time to breathe and feel centered before I performed. I arrived at the music building at about 9:30am. I had an hour to practice, so I played through everything really slowly, being careful to warm up but not wear out. I took my yoga mat with me and did some sun salutations while listening to soothing music. Then I listened through my program while studying my scores. All this while I'm doing my ujay breathing, and imagining myself giving a wonderful performance, loving the music and having great success. I changed into my concert clothes and put on my coat and gloves (I'm always so cold right before I play), put my headphones on with Kathleen Battle's "Azulao" and "So Many Stars" which always give me such a feeling of abundance, and sat quietly in the hallway waiting for my turn to play.

When they called me in to play, I went down onto the stage and announced my pieces and sat on the bench and took a few more cleansing breaths and played my first two pieces ("Down a Country Lane" and "Midsummer Nocturne" by Copland) with finesse and grace. Then came the Chopin F Minor Ballade. I began it with astounding beauty! The opening is a bit tricky, with a crescendo in the right hand simultaneously with a diminuendo in the left hand. I handled it with perfect artistry. I played with unmatched technic and yet with tremendous love and sensitivity. And then, suddenly, I realized that I had skipped seven pages! Horrors! What to do? I could stop and ask permission to start over, when they were already running behind. That would never do. I decided I had just better finish stronger than ever and make the rest of it very convincing, which I did, thundering down the final run and finishing with a bang.

I took my hands off the keyboard and looked up at my teacher who was sitting in the auditorium. He looked at me with an ever so slight smile on his face. I couldn't look away. There I sat, pleading with my eyes for forgiveness, and yet using every ounce of control not to burst into tears or laughter. "Thank you," he said. I stood and walked the flight of 45 stairs out of the door of the auditorium with tremendous dignity. He followed me out into the hallway.

He said, "That was the most seamless cut I've ever heard! Only, you skipped your favorite part!" He had nice things to say about my playing. I'm not sure if the other teachers noticed or not. I guess I handled it the best way I could have. Well, it's over. I can't take it back. In a performance, you don't start over. You finish, which I did. I finished and kept my game face (more or less). If I were a composer or a writer or an artist, I could create a thing and there it would be for the rest of eternity. Music performance is different, because it only exists in time. It's quite a dilemma to become good at it, because it necessitates having an audience to listen to you time after time so you can get used to the nerves. It's been a lot of years since I was in the swing of performing from memory in public. All I can do is try again. But I do have to say, that I have come a long way this semester. I memorized about 500 measures worth of NEW music, and I'm performing from memory in public again. My hands feel good: my technic is coming along. And best of all, I've spent hundreds of hours practicing Chopin and Rachmaninoff. What could be better than that? Maybe next time Apollo will smile on me.

The Gods Have Smiled

I finally did it! I passed my Theory Predictive Exam. I'm sure my friends are all sick of listening to me worry and complain about it, but now I just got word today that I passed. I took it once early this fall, and didn't pass, so I had to take the Theory Review class that taught us everything we were supposed to learn in our entire undergraduate theory experience in just one semester. I knew a lot of it, but the most difficult things felt like I was hearing them for the first time, so it was really a challenge for me. If I didn't pass it, I would have had to go back and start again in Freshman Theory, which would be not fun and very embarrassing. Passing this test was a pre-requisite for registering for everything else, so I feel like the gods have smiled on me.

"Which Gods?" you ask. Apollo, of course! He was the Greek god of music and the arts. Boy, did I enjoy the time I spent in Greece. I'm hoping that he will continue to smile on me and help me to remember everything I learned, so I will not be in the same boat if I every decide to go to graduate school. Isn't this a wonderful image of him? Statues like this one are part of the reason the Greeks were chastised in the New Testament. Maybe I'll go to lunch at my favorite Greek restaurant next week to celebrate finishing my first semester of graduate school.