I'm Channeling Glenn Gould

Today I was in the library looking for books about female jazz pianists, and who should I find staring at me out of the stacks but Glenn Gould himself! There is a coffee-table-style book called "Glenn Gould: A Life in Pictures" put out by Doubleday Canada. And GUESS WHAT??? It has endpapers with copies of his scores, and he has written ALL OVER THEM!!! I love you, Glenn Gould. I wish you had a happier more well-adjusted psyche, but I'm very grateful for the legacy you left to us listeners. Of course, Scott is the perfect man for me, and I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to be his wife, but I wish I could have had a couple of dates with Glenn, back in the day, when he played in Russia.

Music Scores: To Mark or Not to Mark?

I have always been taught to never write in my music scores in pen. When we were kids,we would only mark in our music in pencil, and then we'd erase all of the markings in the music every time we played for an adjudicator. This way, we'd be more likely to be able to pull the wool over their eyes because we wouldn't tip them off to our problem spots when they saw markings in our music. The sad part about this is that I don't get to have the souvenir of all my teacher's suggestions. One particular teacher made brilliant suggestions in my music, not to mention gorgeous handwriting, but now I don't have her suggestions since I always erased everything before an audition.

Now that I'm in graduate school, I don't see a need for a clean score, unless you just can't stand looking at your handwriting. In fact, at my last jury, I was not required to present scores of any of the music I played. They jury made their decision strictly on the sound and the effectiveness of the performance.

Nowadays, I write all over my music. Sometimes I even use a highlighting marker (Gasp! Yes! Ink!). I particularly like to make a note of fingerings, so I don't have to make them up all over again every time I practice. I think it makes for efficient note learning (especially in my level of playing, where 30 notes per second are flying by). I like to make a note of the harmonies or patterns that are going on in the music, to help me in memorization. These days, I even mark the date I learned a section, or a metronome marking at which I played the section to keep track of my progress. A little marking can be a journal of sorts, right there in your music. I see it as one more way to document all my hours of hard work on this intangible art which exists only in time.

Poety

Today my brother sent me this beautiful poem:

Failing and Flying

by Jack Gilbert

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end,
or the marriage fails and people say
they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
said it would never work. That she was
old enough to know better. But anything
worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that
anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her
like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.

*******************************************

Wasn't that beautiful? I hope I can continue the way I have always tried to live: to give everything my all, even though it is hard, and even though I may not win, or succeed. I hope I can always suck the marrow out of life, and if I fail, I'll just be coming to the end of my triumph, like Icarus.

Now, the Bach Toccata in G Minor (No. 5!). Can you believe I have finally made a decision? Hooray!

I Win at Flowers!

Well, I may have lost the concerto competition, but I always have the first flowers on my block! It helps that I have a sunny south-facing lot. Today I had a student cancel her lesson, so I spent about an hour after my teaching day out in the yard cutting down the old dead flowers from last year. I have crocuses BLOOMING, and my paper whites, tulips, daffodils, hyacinths, and soon to be lilies are all coming up. I can't wait to turn down Woodhaven and look at my house at the end of the street in full bloom! I can't wait to smell the hyacinths as I come up the walk. I still have a few more plants to trim up before it will be perfect, but when I saw color on those little crocuses, I knew it had to be done so everyone would say, "Look at Tawna's yard! It's full of flowers!" rather than, "Why doesn't Tawna clean up the dead leaves from last year out of her nasty yard?" It's going to be gorgeous, yet again. And if you want some purple salvia or orange daisies (both perennials!), come and get 'em, because within a few weeks, I'll be digging up the "volunteers" and throwing them in the trash. What a shame that would be. While you're here, you could take home a sprig of rosemary to season your supper (MMMM! I love how rosemary makes your hands smell). It always surprises me to see how much green is underneath all the dead matter. Maybe plants are kind of like people - kind of crusty on the outside but still soft and full of potential on the inside.

My Boy Glenn

I have just discovered Glenn Gould. My goodness, could that man play the piano! And, a looker to boot. Here's a link to a blog entry about him, with a video clip that I've yet to watch, but plan to make time to youtube on my big screen this week.

http://rippleeffects.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/glenn-gould-the-russian-journey-2002-tv/

Back to the Bench

Well, it didn't go as well as I hoped, but that said, I did play beautifully. My nerves got the better of me and I had a little memory slip. Whatever. I didn't get chosen, but I don't feel really bad about it. I'll still have other opportunities. I just think I need to have more performing experience. I think if I can perform it again several times, I'll do just fine. I really am quite new back to this memorization bit. My goal is to play it 7 times WELL with my teacher, and then 7 times WELL in front of people, and then I'll go play for the conductor of the orchestra I'd like to play for. That would make for a successful experience.

I had several friends come to hear me, and they all were very complimentary and enthusiastic about my playing. I have some of the best friends ever. I'm a pretty lucky girl, to have all this support and encouragement.

Now I'm choosing repertoire. There are seven Toccatas by J.S. Bach, and I want to choose one of those to learn over the summer, along with several of the Goyescas by Granados, and a Chopin Etude. Which are your favorites? Send me a youtube link!

The Eve of a Performance

Tomorrow is my competition. The days leading up to a performance always become exponentially more difficult for me. I start feeling really prepared, and then I'm not motivated at all to practice. I always feel like taking the day off. I know I have to keep my chops up, but I just want to sit around and eat bonbons. Then I feel a sense of impending doom since I'm not practicing, but I still can't get myself to put my butt on the bench! It's a real problem. Today the feeling is intensified, since my cushy artist bench is in the shop; it is soft and comfortable, but rickety and noisy, so something had to be done. I think I over-did it somewhat yesterday, not in length, but in volume, because my wrists are just a wee-bit sore today, and I have one fingernail that is kind of cutting into my skin. See? I have 100 reasons to stay off my bench this morning. I have a friend who offered to lend me her bench today; I'm going to take her up on it. On the up-side, I sound terrific! I played for my mom over speaker phone last night. She was dumbfounded. She was my first teacher, so she's got to be doubly proud of me. I'm going to play for a couple of friends today, and then I have a lesson. It should be a productive day, but look at me here, blogging, rather than practicing! I wonder how my competitors are spending today? I wonder if there is some biological reason I always want to waste the day before the performance; perhaps there is an advantage to resting up before going into battle? More than likely, I just have a short attention span.