Graduate Recital Report

My graduate recital was a smashing success. I get pretty nervous to play for people. I never play as well in public as I do in a practice session. A few weeks before my recital I had a pretty negative performing experience which prompted me to go get a prescription from a doctor for a beta-blocker, which blocks your fight-or-flight physical response. I got a prescription for propanellol in 10mg pills and tried them in a few different doses in various settings and decided on 30mg, spread over a couple of hours. The day before the recital my friend Kim was flying in, and my daughter came down with vomiting and a terrible fever. So I decided to get out of dodge and go get a hotel room downtown so I wouldn't get sick and miss my culminating recital. Kim and I had a grand old time. We went out to dinner at my favorite downtown sushi place, Yoi Tomo's. We picked up a birthday cake from Cafe de Paris and ate it in our hotel room (Happy Birthday, Kim!). We met with the sound guy at school and laid some footage for some recordings for my "solo album" that I hope to finish next year. Kim and I always pack a ton of stuff in a day.

The next day we went for a pedicure together. I went and visited my alternative doctor who does a kind of physio/psycho-therapy with me. He gave me something to spray under my tongue that was supposed to "balance my yin." Whatever. I just know I felt better afterwards. I took my ipod and my yoga mat to school and warmed up really slowly for about 30 minutes at a time: play for 30 minutes, rest for 30, play for 30, rest for 30, play for 30. I felt nice and warm but not worn out. I think it was a good strategy.

By the time I went on stage, I was still apprehensive because I wanted it to go well, but I had no physical symptoms: no cold hands, no tremors, no racing heartbeat, no short shallow breathing. I had somewhere between 125-150 people in my audience. When I walked out onstage, I looked out at all those people clapping for me and couldn't see anyone but my best friend Kim and my husband Scott. It's kind of weird to look out and see so many people and yet not be able to SEE them. As the night went along, I could recognize more of them as I looked out into the audience.

I seem to remember stopping 3 or 4 times, and that I didn't always play the form of the pieces exactly like I had learned (circling around a few times or skipping some things) but I don't remember WHERE the problems were, and I was able to just move along and not dwell on the mistakes when they happened. It was a more enjoyable experience than I've ever had in a public performance. Usually I feel like I just committed a crime against humanity during and after a recital. This time, it was much better. I don't think beta-blockers will help EVERYONE, but they helped me. I don't think it will help if you have self-destructive thought patterns, or if you don't practice adequately. But it helped me a lot.

I played the Chopin 4th Ballade as well as I ever have, with no issues. I was really proud of it, it being the longest and most "advanced" of the pieces on my program.

I had a beautiful reception afterwards, arranged by my friends Monica and Ruth. The food was delicious and visually stunning. I was totally wiped out, but it was fun to visit with everyone. I felt so much support from my students, from my music teacher friends, from my professors, from church friends, and my family. My parents, Mikelle, and Kevin drove up from Utah to see me! And, my dad's cousin Woody and his wife Susan came! What an honor it was to have so many friends there.

I can't wait to be done studying for finals so I can learn some more music. I ordered the Mompou Chopin Variations and they are at Dunkley's waiting for me to pick them up, along with the Chopin Barcarolle. That would be a nice CD, the Chopin Ballade, Barcarolle, and the Mompou variations. I'm off to a good start.

The Downhill Stretch

This coming week I have my last midterm of my last semester of my graduate program. It's a pretty heavy test! I've made 80 index cards and ran out, and had to buy more before I can even touch the listening portion of the exam.

Yesterday I judged all day for the NFMC festival in Nampa, and came home and tried to practice when I totally "hit the wall." I've been practicing about 3 hours a day for the last two years, and I thought I would DIE after about 40 minutes of playing. I got through the whole program, but it wasn't pretty! Try to make ART out of notes when you feel that way. YUCK. So I finished (against my will, or according to my will, what have you) and went to the Game Keeper with Scott to hear Sandon Mayhew (saxophone) and the New Trio Plus which includes Rob Walker on cornet. Usually Chuck Smith plays piano for them, but for some reason Andrew Cortens was on the keys last night. He did a pretty good job. They played one number that was especially good. I don't know the names of any of the music they play; it's all bop and I'm not really familiar with the tunes. But Rob gave an amazing solo, and then Andrew took a solo which copied most of what Rob did almost exactly. It was pretty cool. I also loved it when Rob and Sandon were playing in unison or in parallel motion. The energy was really high and the playing was tight and FUN. I almost gave them a standing ovation, but I don't think it's quite customary in a lounge setting. They also did one Gershwin number which Andrew sang, which I can't remember the title of, but it struck me as pretty unusual to hear a song that is nearing 100 years old played by a bop band, even though Gershwin tunes are all pretty standard with jazz players.

It's been a pretty awesome couple of months, even though I haven't written very much on the blog. I got to go hear Juli Draney play with the ballet, a Brahms set and a Gershwin set. Her playing inspires me. Her practice ethic of late inspires me. I got to hear Lorca Hart's trio live last week. They were awesome. I loved Lorca's manner. I want to play jazz more than ever when I hear these greats. Scott and I heard a fabulous trio at the Blue Door Cafe last week; I never got their names, but the level of playing was impressive! We had a pretty great time at piano club last month; Reed played some original pieces that were some of his best yet. Andrew Armstrong came to Idaho and played a solo recital, including 2 of the pieces that will be on my graduate recital. We had a roaring party here at the house afterward, and he and Juli and I stayed up till 3:30am discussing the virtues of Chopin and Stevie Wonder. Truly one of the most inspirational nights of my life. Juli and I did a play-through for each other of our upcoming concert pieces, and I think it was truly some of the best playing either of us has ever done. It was a high point for me, performance-wise. I'm really enjoying my American Music History course with Dr. Belfy. America's Musical Life by Richard Crawford is inspiring me with all kinds of ideas for what to do after I graduate. And, I buried my grandma, which was very, very sad, but also brought me close to many of my family members, and has brought back a flood of happy and unexpected memories.

I sent out 250 postcard invitations to my recital! I'm getting pretty nervous about it now. What if people actually come? What if no one comes? LOL, I'm pretty worried, either way! My bachelors recital was for about 40 people. This hall holds about 200, and I think it'll be pretty full. I'm excited and terrified. I'm going to try taking a beta-blocker and see if it helps me keep my composure a little better. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've had a wonderful time learning as I've worked toward this degree. I think I've accomplished already what I set out to do. Let's see if I can articulate what those things are: 1. Become a better pianist. 2. Learn more music. 3. Enlarge my network. 4. Learn more ABOUT music, for a springboard to more and significant music projects. 5. Obtain the Master's diploma that I have been coveting! 6. Enlarge my knowledge of existing repertoire. Even though I haven't graduated YET, (10 weeks to go!) I think I have accomplished most of those aims. I think this experience has set me up to be a better musician, and to be able to do some writing and to put together entertaining and artistic concert programs and recordings. I've got my eye on a bright future!

Looking Forward to 2011

I just went back through my old posts looking for my 2010 resolutions. Turns out I never wrote them down! There's a cool website called dayzero.net that is for goal setting. It's really cool, but it's been down for several days. Here are some goals for 2011:

Graduate with my Master's Degree!!!!!
Play a spectacular graduate recital.
Go to Arkansas to visit Kimberlee.
Play a fabulous concert with Kimberlee.
Work on earning my Personal Progress award with Alexis.
Play all the Chopin etudes, spending a week on each one.
Play all the Debussy etudes, spending a week on each one.
Work on soloing over a jazz standard.
Read the New Testament cover to cover.
Plant 200 more bulbs in the yard.
Make some jam with the summer fruit (I've missed doing that!).
Sew a quilt.
Do 2,500 indexing records (this year I did 2,000!).
Attend the temple more.
Make more of an effort with my nieces and nephews.
Have a perfect visiting teaching record.

I love setting goals. I love being productive! I love a fresh new year. Next year is going to be GREAT!! A year from now I'll be graduated and I'll have more discretionary time (notice I didn't say free time). I want to spend more time working on playing jazz, but there are a few classical solos I'd like to wrap my hands around. Namely, Chopin's Barcarolle and Mompou's Variations on a Theme by Chopin. I want to get season tickets to the symphony next year, too. This year I feel too poor to buy them, even though I get the student price, and too pressed for time, too. Here's to a new year full of new possibilities! What are your New Year's Resolutions?

My Graduate Recital

Three weeks left in this semester! Or, two weeks + finals week. Can't WAIT for it to be over!

I set up a Facebook event for my recital, which will be Saturday, March 19 at 5:30 at the Morrison Center Recital Hall. All my music is memorized now. I had a great practice session yesterday. If I can get used to playing in front of people, I think it will be a spectacular program. The best news is that I STILL love ALL of my music, now that I have spent 1,000 hours with it! I still have lots to do, though. I need to make posters, program notes, arrange for food and buy a new pair of shoes. I am thinking something like an embellished ballet slipper for shoes. It's hard to find something lovely that doesn't squeak on the pedals. I'm going to wear an ivory colored tea dress. Send me links, if you happen across something that looks like it might work!

Today I went to see Roger Kellaway play with his jazz trio, which was comprised of a piano, bass, and hollow body electric guitar. It was great! I wish they played more at the free symposiums, but I'm too cheap to pay $42 for the evening ticket. They played some music and talked about Roger's influences. People were throwing out names from the audience, "How much are you influenced by the Nat Cole trio?" (duh, of course). Someone brought up Shirley Horn, who I of course love and adore and idolize. She was a wonderful jazz pianist who played classical piano until she got out of high school and then crossed over into jazz. Roger said he had 12 years of classical piano before he ventured into jazz.

This year I've been taking some jazz piano lessons as part of my master's degree. I wish I had time to practice more, but I don't. I put in about 2 hours a week of practice at my jazz piano. It's pathetic, but at least it is SOMETHING. Currently, I am working on writing an arrangement of the Kurt Weil tune, "Lost in the Stars." The lyrics are poignant, and I think it has a lot of room for exploring various harmonies. I am still very much an amateur, but I have written some gorgeous sounds!

At any rate, I was sitting there listening to Roger talk about his upbringing and how he got to be "possibly the greatest jazz pianist to walk the earth" and I got thinking how much room I have to grow in this area. Then I had a revelation: I have reached the pinnacle of what I can accomplish in classical piano. I can continue to play classical piano and be the best of practically anyone around (except for that .0001% who makes a living playing concertos with orchestras, living out of a suitcase, touring the country, with management, ugh, not so fun), but then I would never grow again. I have learned how to efficiently learn music that someone else wrote, playing by memory, music that everyone has already heard. (Here comes the revelation:) If I work at jazz, THAT is where I can grow. THAT is how I can make music that NO ONE else has ever heard before. THAT is how I can make an audience giddy as they hear tunes they already know but in a new way that I thought up. So watch out, world! Tawna Love is going to be finished with her masters degree, and then you are going to be FLOODED with the wonderful sounds I am going to dream up for you. I am really looking forward to this next creative period in my life.

Improve the Shining Moments

Today in church, we sang this hymn. It's kind of a cheesy old tune, the kind that reminds me of an old 19th century revival hymn, or something the women of the suffragettes might have sung. But today the lyrics rang true with me. The message is kind of like my personal motto in life: make each moment matter. Do something valuable in some way with each and every day.

Improve the Shining Moments
Robert B Baird, 1855-1916

Improve the shining moments;
Don't let them pass you by.
Work while the sun is radiant;
Work for the night draws nigh.
We cannot bid the sunbeams
To lengthen out their stay,
Nor can we ask the shadow
To ever stay away.

Time flies on wings of lightning;
We cannot call it back.
It comes, then passes forward
Along its onward track.
And if we are not mindful,
The chance will fade away,
For life is quick in passing.
'Tis as a single day.

As wintertime doth follow
The pleasant summer days.
So may our joys all vanish
And pass far from our gaze.
Then should we not endeavor
Each day some point to gain,
That we may here be useful
And every wrong disdain?

Improve each shining moment.
In this you are secure,
For promptness bringeth safety
And blessings rich and pure.
Let prudence guide your actions;
Be honest in your heart;
And God will love and bless you
And help to you impart.

Isn't that a positive message? That's a great message for me about how to get through this second year of graduate school. The school year officially starts tomorrow, but my class starts on Tuesday. I'm kind of excited, but kind of terrified.

I got a "high pass" on my last two sections of the history predictive exam, so now I'm a regular status graduate student, rather than a provisional one. :) I'm just worried that my physical stamina may not last a full year! I have to remember that graduation is only 9 months away, and really only 8 more months of work, because I get a month off at Christmas. Anyway, my goal is to improve each of the shining moment of the next 9 months. It's going to be a full, beautiful year and I'll have achieved a master's degree! Woot!

Kindred Spirits

Mrs. Larson first introduced me to Anne of Green Gables in my 7th grade honors English class. Watching that movie was like being introduced to myself. Anne is a precocious red headed, green eyed, freckle faced girl with a big imagination and a highly romanticized view of the world. She meets Diana Barry and they instantly become “bosom friends” (incidentally, my best friend growing up was named Dianne, and she was the only girl who lived within walking distance from me; also a red head). Anne tells Diana that they are “kindred spirits.” Isn’t that a great phrase? I have been thinking today about all the kindred spirits that I’ve been so fortunate to stumble across in my life. God has put various people in my path that fill all my different needs, and we have shared a connection which feels so strong that we might be related, only we’re not. Here are a few of the kindred spirits in my world, in no particular order!

Kimberlee is my music friend, but also my BEST friend. Kimberlee and I became acquainted the day she moved away to Minnesota, but that meeting sprang into a fast friendship. Luckily for me, we both have Verizon mobile phone service, so our minutes (rather, hours) are free. We play concerts together, but share much more than just a working relationship. She calls me on the phone when she hears a great pianist on the radio and tells me to run out and buy their recordings. We also share a love of sewing. Kim and I have a pact that we will encourage each other to be good and noble people. She inspires me musically and morally.

Charlene is my Arizona piano teaching friend. She and I became acquainted at my first (and last!) music teacher’s meeting in Arizona and became friends for life. We go to conferences together and have a ball, since we share much more than music in common. We are both movers and shakers in a profession usually filled with older, much more reserved personalities. It is pretty fun to see ideas I’ve shared with her show up in print in her publications. Even though I’m now in Idaho, we’re still great friends.

Gay is my piano teaching mom. The first month I moved to Idaho I met her at a music teaching conference, and she took me under her wing, promoting me to her students as she was retiring. She was instrumental in giving me my start in the Boise area. We also like to go to quilt shows and shops together, and of course, out for lunch.

Dan and Dani are my farmer’s market friends. Scott and I met Dan and Dani at the farmer’s market where Scott sells his granola bars. They sell the finest pork, beef, chicken, and eggs money can buy from their XXL Ranch. We stopped by to buy some meat one day, and the next thing you know we’re sharing a meal at their home and they have taken our daughters under their wing as if they were their own.

Donna is who I want to be when I grow up. She’s a glamorous older lady who is also married to a fly fisherman. I don’t get to see her very often, but we like to go out to lunch once a year or so. She has taught me so much about poise, style and manners. She exercises great taste in every possible way.

Amy is my Idaho girlfriend. I can’t count the times that she has told me about a problem she was facing in her family and I felt like she was describing my own current situation. Her husband and mine are good friends as well, so we periodically socialize together.

Gayle and Steve are my Idaho parents. Even though they’re old enough to be my parents, we enjoy socializing together, which is great especially because Steve is a fly fisherman. Gayle and Steve have enjoyed a meal or two at our house, and they always stay until every last dish is washed and dried. They seem to think that we are the bees knees, which is fun for us, but if I had to pick a different set of parents for Scott and myself, it would be Gayle and Steve all the way.

Christine is another indispensable Idaho girlfriend. Even though I’m a bit younger than her, we seem to share many commonalities in both our histories and our current situations. I can relate to her so much as a sister, a mom, a wife, and a daughter. She’s a girl with great common sense, and also knows how to throw a great party.

Coreen was my best girlfriend in Arizona. When we met it seemed like we had more differences than similarities; I never expected to become as close to her as I did. But we became best friends through our church service, and had quilt night once a week and both made beautiful quilts for our daughters. I miss her terribly.

Reed is like my piano teaching brother. He’s a composer, and he frequently brings me his compositions to try. What a privilege that is, to be a sounding board for his creativity! I love talking shop with Reed. He has an excitement for learning and perfecting his craft of playing, teaching, and composing. I have a great respect for his lifetime of progress, where many others fall off of the learning wagon when they complete college.

Juli is a piano girlfriend who is destined to remain in my life. We met for the first time at music camp at age 14. We ran into each other again in our undergrad at the University of Utah. We lost track after graduation, and then when I moved to Idaho, here she was again! Fate has thrust us together three times, never again to go our separate ways.

I’m one lucky girl with all these good people in my life, and many more who inspire and encourage me. This list could go on and on. Sometimes I think I am so different that no one could possibly understand me or what I’m going through, and then God sends me a new friend in the most unexpected of places. Hopefully I can offer my friendship to someone else and fill a need for them, the way these people do for me, because my cup runneth over.

Elvis Lives!

I'm just wrapping up what is probably the happiest day of the year for me. My best friend came to town and we squished enough fun for an entire week into one day. The crowning event was attending "Elvis On Tour" on the Imax, two hours and five minutes of footage of The King. We took our beautiful daughters (Alexis is also a huge Elvis fan; she was Priscilla Presley for Halloween a couple of years ago) with us. It was exhilarating to see him in action at the prime of his career. He was a tremendous band leader, and a fantastic entertainer, but it was great to see his interaction with his band. There is a reason he is called "The King of Rock 'n' Roll," and it's not necessarily because of his rock 'n' roll. In fact, most of what we heard tonight was blues and gospel. He's The King because he was so skilled as a musician and a performer. He knew that for most of his audience members, it would be the first and only time they would ever see him perform, and he wanted to give them a great show, as if it were the first time his band had played those tunes together. He had a huge band! A dozen or so horns, a set of timpani, flute, bass, drums (oh my! an AWESOME drummer!), piano (YES, a REAL piano; one pianist played boogie-woogie pretty impressively), and about 8 back-up singers. At the end of his career, he was singing mostly gospel music, and he sang with great sincerity. After seeing that show, I'm as big of a fan as ever. Now if only I could get me a bedazzled-grommet-studded cape, maybe I would have what it takes to really entertain my audience for my graduate recital. And go-go boots. But I digress.

So anyway, Kim came into town for just the one day, and we had so much to do! We went to the library and checked out new CD's (I'm stocking up on my Chopin Ballade recordings) followed by lunch on the patio at the Cottonwood Grille, which is in my opinion, the best table in the Treasure Valley, with the breeze coming through the Cottonwoods off of the Boise River, butterflies, dragonflies, flowers, birdies, and a view of their waterfall. What could be better? I'll tell you: Gaspacho and the Cottonwood Platter (their cheese plate with smoked trout, pork, salami, 4 kinds of cheese, apples, grapes and strawberries). Talk about heaven in my mouth.

After lunch we went back to the Morrison Center where we chatted with my teacher and then Kim and I got to play together for a few short minutes. She recently acquired a phenomenal new violin which I hadn't heard before today. I've always loved her playing, but now she is a force to be reckoned with. We got to sight-read through some Albert Spalding compositions together for the first time (we're both huge fans) and she played a composition of hers for me that she's had in progress for some months now. What a treat. Also, I ran into my best BSU girlfriend, Maggie. Haven't seen her all summer. Yay, Maggie! Go Broncos!

Then of course we had to go to the music store so I could drop my name in the drawing for the digital piano they are giving away this week. You can enter once a day all week, so you can bet I will. Can you imagine how my family life would improve if I could practice with headphones in the middle of the night? So we stopped by to pick up some sheet music, and what do you know, but I won a prize! I'm the proud new owner of a black coffee mug with golden piano keys on it. Woot! But don't worry, I'm still in the running for the digital piano. We met a great guy at the music store (Weinberg? I forget his name). He was playing Le Tambeau de Couperin by Ravel. Nice. Didn't realize there were still pianists - good ones - in Boise that I haven't met yet! Whadayaknow?

After the music store we were off to get fresh eggs from my girlfriend Dani at the Farmer's Market, and then to Lee's Candies (incidentally, Kimberlee's namesake), home to pick up the girls, and then off to see Elvis on Tour.

Since we hadn't had quite enough fun yet, we had to go to Pengilly's to see if we could soak in just a couple of more tunes before the night was over. We were expecting to hear our favorite band, the Frim Fram 4, but they weren't playing. Instead, we got to hear Rob Walker, trumpet; Camden Hughes, piano; and Tom Jensen, bass with a female singer whose name I don't know. I love hearing Rob! He really can swing. I'd never heard Camden or Tom play before, but they were great. I'd been wanting to hear them play for some time, so it was really a great surprise to hear them play.

The whole day was too much fun, but the best part was sharing it all with my best music friend, Kim. I only get to see her once a year, so we try to make the most of it when I see her. It really was my lucky day. I can't believe that my life is so full of beautiful people and the gorgeous music that they make. And at the end of it all, I get to come home to a house full of people who I love just as dearly for different reasons altogether. Today I'm chalk full of love.

Haydn

It's done! I got through my entire Haydn "Great" E Flat Sonata today, quite well, actually. All three movements with repeats. We're having a little dinner party tomorrow night and I'm going to give it a complete run-through in front of people. I'm bracing myself! I think it'll go well, though.

Next up: The Granados Nightingale piece, my Chopin Butterfly Etude (both about half finished currently), and my encore, Autumn Moon Over a Calm Lake. I have been wanting to do one more Granados piece, but have still not come to an agreement with my teacher over which one. If I can get these things learned before school starts, I'll be on track for a great recital in March.

A Terrific Story for you

While I was in Utah last week, I had the NEATO experience of visiting with my piano teacher. I studied with her from 5th through 11th grade. She was the best thing that ever happened to me during my adolescent years. With all the junk that happens during those years, both at home and abroad, she was the miracle that made me feel loved. So anyway, we went to visit her, I played for her (badly), and she told us this true story about HER very first piano teacher.

This story took place on Easter Sunday, 1939. This woman was in Washington, D.C. with her husband who was going to dental school. One day, they were walking down the street and they came across a bunch of people who were all walking in the same direction. She had a sense that they were headed somewhere important, and told her husband that they should go with those people. Soon, there were more and more people, and pretty soon they got looking around and realized that they were the only white people in a sea of black people. Her husband was nervous and told her he wanted to go home. She said she thought something important was going to happen and she didn't want to miss it. They ended up on the mall at the Lincoln Memorial, and it was Marian Anderson who they were there to see! The Daughters of the American Revolution had refused to allow her to sing for an integrated audience in Constitution Hall, so Eleanor Roosevelt resigned from the organization and arranged for her to sing at the Lincoln Memorial. Seventy-five thousand people showed up to hear her.

You can hear the clip and see some photos of that historic moment here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkPI0VKM4Fk

A Topic-less Update

Last week my cousin died, so I decided to go to Utah for the funeral, which was last Wednesday. I have a very colorful family, so it's always pretty fun to see them all, which was really why I went. I wasn't particularly close to my cousin who passed away, but I used to be great friends with her sister, and now with Facebook and all, I've been corresponding with her other sister and her mom a bit. My mom and I did some of the music for the funeral. It was actually pretty fun, as far as funerals go. I guess the best way to describe this particular funeral would be to say that it was an "interactive" funeral. They had people write down their memories of my cousin and they read some of them at the graveside and some at the funeral service. They had some guys there with guitars who sang some of her favorite songs, both at the graveside and at the funeral service, and had people sing along. They had a DVD of her photos playing at the viewing. They took the casket to the cemetery in a hearse that was pulled by Harley Davidson motorcycles with many of the procession also on their Harleys, and at the graveside they did what could only be described as a camp cheer, and they let off helium balloons into the sky at the end. It was actually a very enjoyable day. It made me wonder what I would want for my own funeral, not that I have any immediate plans.

Today I took Kevin to the thrift store and bought him a new shirt and a couple of piano books - Johnny Mathis and a Christmas album. Then I made him sing the songs all the way home. It was pretty funny. I remember my mom's piano students playing those old sappy songs (Misty, Feelings, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face), and I remember them being played on FM100. We laughed and laughed. I probably shouldn't participate in that kind of activity while operating a vehicle.

A Memory for Memorial Day

About 8 years ago we were moving to Phoenix. Scott worked for Dreyer's Ice Cream at the time, and they had given us a very generous moving package. We had flown into Phoenix and arrived late, and took our tired children to the hotel restaurant. It was a Marriott, if I remember correctly, and the restaurant was pretty formal. We had taken our kids to restaurants pretty regularly, but I remember being particularly anxious for them to behave appropriately, with the formal setting, the lateness of the hour, and the conspicuous absence of other children. We had a big meal, knowing we wouldn't be picking up the tab.

We finished our dinner, and when it came time for the check, the waiter came and said that there was a Marine who was shipping out to Afghanistan the next day who was missing his family and wanted to pick up the tab for our family. My heart sank and was full of gratitude all at once. I was so grateful to that Marine for his act of generosity, and sorry that he didn't know that it would have been paid for by the company. I was humbled that my kids were well behaved enough (and that our patience was adequate!) to stir that kind of nostalgia in a soldier.

The next morning the breakfast area was full of Marines. I remember walking around looking at each one and wondering which of them had paid for our family's meal. Over the next several years as I watched the news and saw the announcements when a soldier was killed or wounded, I always wondered if it was "our" Marine who's photo was flashing across the screen. I've always had a reverence for the flag and our military, but now I have a very personal appreciation for the military and the sacrifice they and their families make in order to serve our country. Today, I have a special prayer in my heart for him and his family.

Never when it counts

I auditioned to play with the local community orchestra today. I was really nervous, but felt quite prepared, in spite of never having played my piece straight through with no stopping in front of observers. I played the first movement of Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 4 in G minor. My teacher came with me and played the orchestral reduction accompaniment. He plays so beautifully. I always have to remind myself how lucky I am to be playing with him when I'm in the midst of a run-through. Although, I must admit, I think I am a more sensitive collaborator than he is (lol). Anyway, it was just the three of us in the room, me, my teacher, and the conductor. It went pretty well. I had one tiny fudge/pause but didn't stop outright, and was able to keep going and finish the piece. I played it better than I have ever played in front of an audience. He said he'd make his decision in mid-June. Then I came home and played it for a friend who stopped by (non-musician), and I kept thinking, "This is stupid; it would have been much more helpful to have played for her yesterday; this doesn't even count, since my audition is over." Wouldn't you know? I played it PERFECTLY that time. Not a single pause. Straight through with not a single hiccup. So here's the million dollar question: Why can't I ever play perfectly when it counts? Why, when it counts the most, can't I pull myself together?

I got to thinking that I started having these memory lapses when I was in high school and college. That was about the time that I started trying to follow my teachers' advice about learning music in small sections, rather than playing straight through again and again. Well, I had the brilliant idea that perhaps to play straight through again and again might be the missing link in my practicing. Maybe what I need is the complete train of thought. Maybe with my next piece, after I practice the thing in sections rehearsing each detail, I should demand that I play it straight through 5 times each day, with or without the music. I think it's worth a try. I think I'd have less memory trouble. I'm going to do it.

4.0

I got a 4.0!!! It only took me till I was 37. My first one ever. I am pretty proud. Last semester I got a 3.97, robbed by Theory Review, which was only one credit hour and yet I did about 10 hours a week of homework in order to get an A- or B or something. Still, pretty good for a semester with three academic classes in addition to private lessons. This semester I had Advanced Form and Analysis, Survey of Jazz, and Private Lessons. Today I got to see my papers from my jury, and they didn't say much. The one comment that made me very proud was from Halimah Brugger. She said that I had come such a very long way this year. I really respect her musicianship. I didn't see any comments from my own teacher. I'm pretty proud, though. Just goes to show that if you work hard and play your heart out, you can make mistakes and still be considered a fine musician. I wonder if they give less than A's to anyone here? I don't hear about it, if they do.

On another positive note, Alexis was awarded a prize for photography on the state level of the Reflections contest today!! I was so happy for her and so VERY proud.

Working toward deadlines

I guess I am a sort of person who works toward a deadline. it would be great if I could just do a little every day to remain in a state of constant progress. For some reason I tend to fill my life with events that create these deadlines, so I end up working like a crazy lady, trying to get everything done "in time" and seeing if I can "just stick with it until Friday" and "when such and so date comes, then I'll be out of the woods." I guess it's not a really BAD way to live, because I become very goal oriented in terms of succeeding for the deadlines. But I'm kind of sick of it. I kind of wish I didn't have ANY deadlines. No predictive exam to study for. No festival to prepare for. No audition to practice for. Just some lazy days to lounge around on the couch. Trouble is, if that were the case, then I'd just be an average, mediocre person with no special skills. I kind of like my special skills. I kind of like being the best at things. But today I'm sick of pushing pushing pushing myself. I just want to sit around and drink my juice and wait for this kidney stone to pass! But I don't have the luxury, because I have an audition on Friday and a festival on Saturday, so I put my nose back to the grindstone.

What I Have Learned

I finished my last final tonight!! I'm officially a 2nd year grad student now. Don't you think this occasion warrants a blog entry? Here are some things I learned that I never knew before:

1. I know the difference between simple and rounded binary form.
2. I know the difference between a bridge and a re-transition.
3. I can define bebop
4. I know how to write in Chicago style
5. I learned all about accompanist Andre Benoist and made the acquaintance of his son, Albert.
6. I RE-learned how to modulate and
7. how to harmonize figured bass and
8. how to identify all the various augmented 6th chords (Do you think that will ever stick in my brain? I've forgotten already)
9. I discovered Mary Lou Williams
10. I became painfully aware of the effects of the Jim Crow laws in the South
11. I discovered Fred Hersch
12. I learned to play the Chopin 4th Ballade!!
13. And the Rachmaninoff 4th piano concerto!!
14. And Granados' El Pelele!!
15. My kids learned how to do laundry (lol)
16. I learned that the world will not end if I don't clean my house
17. I learned that if I get up early, I can accomplish 3x more in my day
18. I learned that my husband would stand by me while I accomplish a dream of mine (What a guy; he has been very supportive)
19. I've tried to learn to be respectful of authority. Don't know if I'll ever learn that really well, but I'm making strides :)
20. I learned that if you have a dream, no one is going to pursue it for you. You pretty much have to step forward and take it!

It's been a great year. SOOO glad it's over.

Last Day of the Semester

Today was kind of an important day for me. It was my last day of official classes in my first year of graduate school. All I have left are a couple of cinchy finals and my jury. I'll be done for good next Thursday.

I finished my research paper on Mary Lou Williams today, also. I asserted that it was she who started the bebop movement, even though she has never been credited with doing so, and in fact, is never even categorized as a bebopper at all. But she was. She was the person who taught Thelonious Monk (the "high priest of bop") everything he knew. She gave him the foundation of his style. If I were really interested in history and research and writing, this would be a great doctoral thesis. I'll send you my paper to read if you are interested in this subject at all. I think it's groundbreaking, but what do I know?

I have LOVED my jazz class this semester. I learned so much, and discovered so much great music. I can't wait to take some jazz lessons next semester. I'm going to learn the rest of my graduate recital this summer, and then plunge head first into jazz. It's going to be painful, but I can't wait to play like Shirley Horne and Fred Hersch.

I'm so proud of me! This has been a demanding but rewarding and wonderful year.

#'s 11-20

Back to the "Bucket List." I am having a little trouble with my internet (I got a new "improved" wireless thingy, and it disconnected me before I could post this the other day, so I'll try again.

11. Use proceeds of music sales to create clean water facilities in 3rd world communities (11A: Create proceeds from music sales. lol)

12. Get nominated for a Grammy. I don't care so much about winning the ACTUAL Grammy, but I would love to make a recording that was significant enough to be nominated.

13. Re-establish my yoga muscles. I've been dreaming all year about the beautiful muscles I had last year when I was practicing yoga regularly. Being in school has conflicted with my yoga practice. I'll get to practice pretty regularly this summer, but after graduation, watch out!

14. Write a collection of arrangements for use in ballet class. I've been learning about form in my jazz class, and found a couple of forms that would be PERFECT for ballet class: the march (ragtime) and 32-bar popular song form. The best news is that much of that music is now becoming public domain. I hope to get a website going and self-publish.

15. Learn how to positively relate to all my children. It's a challenge, striking a balance between love and responsibility and discipline and learning.

16. This one is a fascination, rather than an all-out goal. Last week I heard Monte Alexander play a melodica, which is a relative to the accordion. He was fantastic! This week I've been listening to a group called "Hot Club of Detroit" (get it?). They have an accordion player, and the music is so fun! So I guess I'd like to get myself a melodica and fool around with it. I'll bet it would free me up to improvise, since I would view it as a toy rather than a legitimate instrument. Anything to get these ears working.

17. Play/Perform/Record all the works of Debussy. Pretty ironic that I haven't put any of them on my graduate recital, seeing as how I love his music so much. Yesterday I heard a friend of mine play the last piece from "Pour le piano." It was fabulous.

18. Move to Spain and study at the Marshall Academie. This is a goal that I should have done as a teenager, but now I'm not a teenager, and I don't know how it would ever work out, since Scott would need to have a job there. I wonder if there is a famous music school in Madrid? I guess he'd rather be in Madrid. Either is fine with me. I'd love to spend some extended time in Spain. I guess I'd better

19. Learn Spanish. (Not a lifetime dream, but necessary to accomplish #18)

20. Perform a concerto with an orchestra. I hope to be able to accomplish this in 2011. We shall see.

I'm Famous

Check it out - They put me on this slideshow. I'm the pianist playing in the background. I quit after I made a mistake, but unfortunately they included my mistake on the slideshow.

http://news.boisestate.edu/slideshows/AllSteinway/

Short Bucket List

Awhile back Kim posted a list of 20 goals. Twenty seems like a nice achievable number. I consider myself tagged and present you with my list of 20 things I hope to accomplish in my life, in no particular order:

1. Finish my masters degree!

2. Become proficient in jazz improvisation. I'm still a novice in this area, but hope to become admirably proficient. I don't envision myself breaking new ground or making lots of money giving jazz concerts, but I would hope that at least I could become proficient.

3. Maintain my weight. I like my weight right now. I would like to maintain it forever.

4. Earn a DMA.

5. Become employed by a university as a music professor. I don't want to be a department head or deal with any of the headaches that involves, just a professor.

6. Work as a pianist for a symphony orchestra.

7. Make some more recordings. I have a really good idea for my next classical CD. It won't be too hard. I can't wait. But no, I'm not telling.

8. Go to Paris with Alexis. Wouldn't that be a fantastic mother-daughter trip? I've still never been.

9. Sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The only trouble is, I'd have to live in the Salt Lake valley to accomplish this. The air there is terrible, and the inversion keeps the sun away for weeks at a time. Ick.

10. Break some new ground in my family history work. There are a few lines that I think I could make some serious progress on without too much work. All I need is time, you know?

This is harder than I thought it would be. I must be pretty contented. Stay tuned for 10 more next time.