Graduate Recital Report

My graduate recital was a smashing success. I get pretty nervous to play for people. I never play as well in public as I do in a practice session. A few weeks before my recital I had a pretty negative performing experience which prompted me to go get a prescription from a doctor for a beta-blocker, which blocks your fight-or-flight physical response. I got a prescription for propanellol in 10mg pills and tried them in a few different doses in various settings and decided on 30mg, spread over a couple of hours. The day before the recital my friend Kim was flying in, and my daughter came down with vomiting and a terrible fever. So I decided to get out of dodge and go get a hotel room downtown so I wouldn't get sick and miss my culminating recital. Kim and I had a grand old time. We went out to dinner at my favorite downtown sushi place, Yoi Tomo's. We picked up a birthday cake from Cafe de Paris and ate it in our hotel room (Happy Birthday, Kim!). We met with the sound guy at school and laid some footage for some recordings for my "solo album" that I hope to finish next year. Kim and I always pack a ton of stuff in a day.

The next day we went for a pedicure together. I went and visited my alternative doctor who does a kind of physio/psycho-therapy with me. He gave me something to spray under my tongue that was supposed to "balance my yin." Whatever. I just know I felt better afterwards. I took my ipod and my yoga mat to school and warmed up really slowly for about 30 minutes at a time: play for 30 minutes, rest for 30, play for 30, rest for 30, play for 30. I felt nice and warm but not worn out. I think it was a good strategy.

By the time I went on stage, I was still apprehensive because I wanted it to go well, but I had no physical symptoms: no cold hands, no tremors, no racing heartbeat, no short shallow breathing. I had somewhere between 125-150 people in my audience. When I walked out onstage, I looked out at all those people clapping for me and couldn't see anyone but my best friend Kim and my husband Scott. It's kind of weird to look out and see so many people and yet not be able to SEE them. As the night went along, I could recognize more of them as I looked out into the audience.

I seem to remember stopping 3 or 4 times, and that I didn't always play the form of the pieces exactly like I had learned (circling around a few times or skipping some things) but I don't remember WHERE the problems were, and I was able to just move along and not dwell on the mistakes when they happened. It was a more enjoyable experience than I've ever had in a public performance. Usually I feel like I just committed a crime against humanity during and after a recital. This time, it was much better. I don't think beta-blockers will help EVERYONE, but they helped me. I don't think it will help if you have self-destructive thought patterns, or if you don't practice adequately. But it helped me a lot.

I played the Chopin 4th Ballade as well as I ever have, with no issues. I was really proud of it, it being the longest and most "advanced" of the pieces on my program.

I had a beautiful reception afterwards, arranged by my friends Monica and Ruth. The food was delicious and visually stunning. I was totally wiped out, but it was fun to visit with everyone. I felt so much support from my students, from my music teacher friends, from my professors, from church friends, and my family. My parents, Mikelle, and Kevin drove up from Utah to see me! And, my dad's cousin Woody and his wife Susan came! What an honor it was to have so many friends there.

I can't wait to be done studying for finals so I can learn some more music. I ordered the Mompou Chopin Variations and they are at Dunkley's waiting for me to pick them up, along with the Chopin Barcarolle. That would be a nice CD, the Chopin Ballade, Barcarolle, and the Mompou variations. I'm off to a good start.

The Downhill Stretch

This coming week I have my last midterm of my last semester of my graduate program. It's a pretty heavy test! I've made 80 index cards and ran out, and had to buy more before I can even touch the listening portion of the exam.

Yesterday I judged all day for the NFMC festival in Nampa, and came home and tried to practice when I totally "hit the wall." I've been practicing about 3 hours a day for the last two years, and I thought I would DIE after about 40 minutes of playing. I got through the whole program, but it wasn't pretty! Try to make ART out of notes when you feel that way. YUCK. So I finished (against my will, or according to my will, what have you) and went to the Game Keeper with Scott to hear Sandon Mayhew (saxophone) and the New Trio Plus which includes Rob Walker on cornet. Usually Chuck Smith plays piano for them, but for some reason Andrew Cortens was on the keys last night. He did a pretty good job. They played one number that was especially good. I don't know the names of any of the music they play; it's all bop and I'm not really familiar with the tunes. But Rob gave an amazing solo, and then Andrew took a solo which copied most of what Rob did almost exactly. It was pretty cool. I also loved it when Rob and Sandon were playing in unison or in parallel motion. The energy was really high and the playing was tight and FUN. I almost gave them a standing ovation, but I don't think it's quite customary in a lounge setting. They also did one Gershwin number which Andrew sang, which I can't remember the title of, but it struck me as pretty unusual to hear a song that is nearing 100 years old played by a bop band, even though Gershwin tunes are all pretty standard with jazz players.

It's been a pretty awesome couple of months, even though I haven't written very much on the blog. I got to go hear Juli Draney play with the ballet, a Brahms set and a Gershwin set. Her playing inspires me. Her practice ethic of late inspires me. I got to hear Lorca Hart's trio live last week. They were awesome. I loved Lorca's manner. I want to play jazz more than ever when I hear these greats. Scott and I heard a fabulous trio at the Blue Door Cafe last week; I never got their names, but the level of playing was impressive! We had a pretty great time at piano club last month; Reed played some original pieces that were some of his best yet. Andrew Armstrong came to Idaho and played a solo recital, including 2 of the pieces that will be on my graduate recital. We had a roaring party here at the house afterward, and he and Juli and I stayed up till 3:30am discussing the virtues of Chopin and Stevie Wonder. Truly one of the most inspirational nights of my life. Juli and I did a play-through for each other of our upcoming concert pieces, and I think it was truly some of the best playing either of us has ever done. It was a high point for me, performance-wise. I'm really enjoying my American Music History course with Dr. Belfy. America's Musical Life by Richard Crawford is inspiring me with all kinds of ideas for what to do after I graduate. And, I buried my grandma, which was very, very sad, but also brought me close to many of my family members, and has brought back a flood of happy and unexpected memories.

I sent out 250 postcard invitations to my recital! I'm getting pretty nervous about it now. What if people actually come? What if no one comes? LOL, I'm pretty worried, either way! My bachelors recital was for about 40 people. This hall holds about 200, and I think it'll be pretty full. I'm excited and terrified. I'm going to try taking a beta-blocker and see if it helps me keep my composure a little better. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've had a wonderful time learning as I've worked toward this degree. I think I've accomplished already what I set out to do. Let's see if I can articulate what those things are: 1. Become a better pianist. 2. Learn more music. 3. Enlarge my network. 4. Learn more ABOUT music, for a springboard to more and significant music projects. 5. Obtain the Master's diploma that I have been coveting! 6. Enlarge my knowledge of existing repertoire. Even though I haven't graduated YET, (10 weeks to go!) I think I have accomplished most of those aims. I think this experience has set me up to be a better musician, and to be able to do some writing and to put together entertaining and artistic concert programs and recordings. I've got my eye on a bright future!

Where's Apollo When I Need Him?

Well friends, my jury is over. It was kind of a saga.

I tend to have some troubles with my nerves, so I was very careful to plan out my morning and have plenty of time to breathe and feel centered before I performed. I arrived at the music building at about 9:30am. I had an hour to practice, so I played through everything really slowly, being careful to warm up but not wear out. I took my yoga mat with me and did some sun salutations while listening to soothing music. Then I listened through my program while studying my scores. All this while I'm doing my ujay breathing, and imagining myself giving a wonderful performance, loving the music and having great success. I changed into my concert clothes and put on my coat and gloves (I'm always so cold right before I play), put my headphones on with Kathleen Battle's "Azulao" and "So Many Stars" which always give me such a feeling of abundance, and sat quietly in the hallway waiting for my turn to play.

When they called me in to play, I went down onto the stage and announced my pieces and sat on the bench and took a few more cleansing breaths and played my first two pieces ("Down a Country Lane" and "Midsummer Nocturne" by Copland) with finesse and grace. Then came the Chopin F Minor Ballade. I began it with astounding beauty! The opening is a bit tricky, with a crescendo in the right hand simultaneously with a diminuendo in the left hand. I handled it with perfect artistry. I played with unmatched technic and yet with tremendous love and sensitivity. And then, suddenly, I realized that I had skipped seven pages! Horrors! What to do? I could stop and ask permission to start over, when they were already running behind. That would never do. I decided I had just better finish stronger than ever and make the rest of it very convincing, which I did, thundering down the final run and finishing with a bang.

I took my hands off the keyboard and looked up at my teacher who was sitting in the auditorium. He looked at me with an ever so slight smile on his face. I couldn't look away. There I sat, pleading with my eyes for forgiveness, and yet using every ounce of control not to burst into tears or laughter. "Thank you," he said. I stood and walked the flight of 45 stairs out of the door of the auditorium with tremendous dignity. He followed me out into the hallway.

He said, "That was the most seamless cut I've ever heard! Only, you skipped your favorite part!" He had nice things to say about my playing. I'm not sure if the other teachers noticed or not. I guess I handled it the best way I could have. Well, it's over. I can't take it back. In a performance, you don't start over. You finish, which I did. I finished and kept my game face (more or less). If I were a composer or a writer or an artist, I could create a thing and there it would be for the rest of eternity. Music performance is different, because it only exists in time. It's quite a dilemma to become good at it, because it necessitates having an audience to listen to you time after time so you can get used to the nerves. It's been a lot of years since I was in the swing of performing from memory in public. All I can do is try again. But I do have to say, that I have come a long way this semester. I memorized about 500 measures worth of NEW music, and I'm performing from memory in public again. My hands feel good: my technic is coming along. And best of all, I've spent hundreds of hours practicing Chopin and Rachmaninoff. What could be better than that? Maybe next time Apollo will smile on me.

Choosing Repertoire

Well, friends, I haven't kept track of my practice hours, and sadly, they have dwindled as I have finished memorizing my jury pieces. But now it's time to start working toward getting ready for the next semester, so I'll be prepared for lessons come January. I'm trying to decide what I should learn next.

I need to learn a sonata, and I've been stewing about which one to learn. A sonata is a major multi-movement work, usually 10-20 minutes long. It's a big commitment to learn one, because it takes a long time to learn one and you'd better like it because you are going to spend 6-18 months getting it ready.

My graduate recital is supposed to be one hour long and include works from three historical periods (Baroque, Classical, Romantic, Impressionistic, Contemporary).

Here are my concerns:

1. I want to like the music.
2. I want the average Joe in the audience to be able to "get" the music.
3. I want the music to be of such a level of difficulty that it is appropriate for competitions/doctoral auditions (for instance, I don't think I could in good conscience put "Claire de Lune" on my program, as beautiful as it is).

In spite of all of this, there are some wonderful pieces of music that I really want to learn that I'm not sure whether they satisfy concern #3. I hope someday I can earn a doctoral degree. However, what if I don't? What if my hand gets caught in a meat grinder and I never play again? What if I get hit by a bus and am paralyzed from the neck down? What if my hands get blown off in a hunting accident? I want this program to be music that I've ALWAYS wanted to learn, and may never have another chance at. This puts me in a position where I may have to compromise on #3. I feel like I'm slightly at odds with my teacher over this.

Here's what I have so far:

Chopin Ballade #4 in f minor (11:30) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_PBTGfhWD8 followed by http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLyumz2jMZY
Copland Down a Country Lane (2:06) and Midsummer Nocturne (2:00)(not on my list of favorites, but learned out of necessity to satisfy jury requirements), and
Barber's Excursion #3 to complete the little American set(3:23): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-6LdUTX8xg
Granados El Pelele (4:13): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghQxWLvRz7s (probably my next project to learn)

Here's what I WANT to learn:

Beethoven Sonata Op. 2 No. 3
Allegro (10:31) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf0olqfc9V0 (I love this recording!)
Adagio (8:39) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euDNSrT2Z8M&feature=related
Scherzo (2:54) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWGqND-nZTw&feature=related
Allegro (5:18) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qb5f1fTKdw&feature=related (inhuman clarity on this recording!)

That leaves 10 more minutes, so I'll learn more Spanish music to finish it. My teacher has extensive experience with the piano music of Spain, having worked with the legendary Alecia de Larrocha. It only makes sense to capitalize on this experience and learn from his area of expertise.

The only trouble is, after I've learned all of this, it's really terrible programming. You can't really begin a program with a 30 minute sonata, and the Ballade really should be last. SO I guess I'll chalk it up to practicality and do it anyway.

What are YOUR favorite sonatas?

It's been a good practice day!

How many hours have I practice today? I'm not sure. It's really hard to keep track when you do it all piecemeal. But tonight I sat down after dinner to play through everything one last time. I'm about halfway memorized on Chopin's 4th Ballade, and about 3/4 memorized on Rachmaninoff's 4th piano concerto. For the third piece for my jury, I'm preparing "Midsummer's Nocturne" by Copland. I was thrilled when I finished practicing and my husband chimed, "You sound great!" He almost never compliments my playing, so I felt that was a real compliment. And I will say, I'm sounding great.

I have a new practice strategy that some of you might want to try. Because of the studies that I've read stating the value of mental practice, and that mental practice is almost more helpful than actual physical practice, I've decided to include it in my practice strategy in a more deliberate way. Some of you know that I practice my music in small sections (1/2 a measure to 4 measures, depending on the difficulty of the music). Usually I try to play each section 10 times perfectly before I move on to the next section. With memorization, this is very helpful for me. So I decided to take lucky 3 and lucky 7 and do mental practice on the 3rd and 7th time through a section. I don't always remember to, but when I do, I think it's helpful. It gives my hands a chance to rest, and gives me more focus for all the other times. Give it a try and tell me what you think.

School Starts Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my big day. I have my first piano lesson, a piano pedagogy class, and Introduction to Music Research, then a theory class on Wednesday. I've been working up Chopin's 4th Ballade to play for my lesson. I've decided to work up a doctoral audition for my senior recital. I need to choose some Bach. Any ideas, anyone? It has to include a fugue.

Today I bought my parking permit, to the tune of $265!! Can you believe what it costs just to park your car? I got set up with my student ID card, as well, so now I can get student pricing on tickets everywhere. Woohoo!