A Memory for Memorial Day

About 8 years ago we were moving to Phoenix. Scott worked for Dreyer's Ice Cream at the time, and they had given us a very generous moving package. We had flown into Phoenix and arrived late, and took our tired children to the hotel restaurant. It was a Marriott, if I remember correctly, and the restaurant was pretty formal. We had taken our kids to restaurants pretty regularly, but I remember being particularly anxious for them to behave appropriately, with the formal setting, the lateness of the hour, and the conspicuous absence of other children. We had a big meal, knowing we wouldn't be picking up the tab.

We finished our dinner, and when it came time for the check, the waiter came and said that there was a Marine who was shipping out to Afghanistan the next day who was missing his family and wanted to pick up the tab for our family. My heart sank and was full of gratitude all at once. I was so grateful to that Marine for his act of generosity, and sorry that he didn't know that it would have been paid for by the company. I was humbled that my kids were well behaved enough (and that our patience was adequate!) to stir that kind of nostalgia in a soldier.

The next morning the breakfast area was full of Marines. I remember walking around looking at each one and wondering which of them had paid for our family's meal. Over the next several years as I watched the news and saw the announcements when a soldier was killed or wounded, I always wondered if it was "our" Marine who's photo was flashing across the screen. I've always had a reverence for the flag and our military, but now I have a very personal appreciation for the military and the sacrifice they and their families make in order to serve our country. Today, I have a special prayer in my heart for him and his family.

Never when it counts

I auditioned to play with the local community orchestra today. I was really nervous, but felt quite prepared, in spite of never having played my piece straight through with no stopping in front of observers. I played the first movement of Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 4 in G minor. My teacher came with me and played the orchestral reduction accompaniment. He plays so beautifully. I always have to remind myself how lucky I am to be playing with him when I'm in the midst of a run-through. Although, I must admit, I think I am a more sensitive collaborator than he is (lol). Anyway, it was just the three of us in the room, me, my teacher, and the conductor. It went pretty well. I had one tiny fudge/pause but didn't stop outright, and was able to keep going and finish the piece. I played it better than I have ever played in front of an audience. He said he'd make his decision in mid-June. Then I came home and played it for a friend who stopped by (non-musician), and I kept thinking, "This is stupid; it would have been much more helpful to have played for her yesterday; this doesn't even count, since my audition is over." Wouldn't you know? I played it PERFECTLY that time. Not a single pause. Straight through with not a single hiccup. So here's the million dollar question: Why can't I ever play perfectly when it counts? Why, when it counts the most, can't I pull myself together?

I got to thinking that I started having these memory lapses when I was in high school and college. That was about the time that I started trying to follow my teachers' advice about learning music in small sections, rather than playing straight through again and again. Well, I had the brilliant idea that perhaps to play straight through again and again might be the missing link in my practicing. Maybe what I need is the complete train of thought. Maybe with my next piece, after I practice the thing in sections rehearsing each detail, I should demand that I play it straight through 5 times each day, with or without the music. I think it's worth a try. I think I'd have less memory trouble. I'm going to do it.

4.0

I got a 4.0!!! It only took me till I was 37. My first one ever. I am pretty proud. Last semester I got a 3.97, robbed by Theory Review, which was only one credit hour and yet I did about 10 hours a week of homework in order to get an A- or B or something. Still, pretty good for a semester with three academic classes in addition to private lessons. This semester I had Advanced Form and Analysis, Survey of Jazz, and Private Lessons. Today I got to see my papers from my jury, and they didn't say much. The one comment that made me very proud was from Halimah Brugger. She said that I had come such a very long way this year. I really respect her musicianship. I didn't see any comments from my own teacher. I'm pretty proud, though. Just goes to show that if you work hard and play your heart out, you can make mistakes and still be considered a fine musician. I wonder if they give less than A's to anyone here? I don't hear about it, if they do.

On another positive note, Alexis was awarded a prize for photography on the state level of the Reflections contest today!! I was so happy for her and so VERY proud.

Working toward deadlines

I guess I am a sort of person who works toward a deadline. it would be great if I could just do a little every day to remain in a state of constant progress. For some reason I tend to fill my life with events that create these deadlines, so I end up working like a crazy lady, trying to get everything done "in time" and seeing if I can "just stick with it until Friday" and "when such and so date comes, then I'll be out of the woods." I guess it's not a really BAD way to live, because I become very goal oriented in terms of succeeding for the deadlines. But I'm kind of sick of it. I kind of wish I didn't have ANY deadlines. No predictive exam to study for. No festival to prepare for. No audition to practice for. Just some lazy days to lounge around on the couch. Trouble is, if that were the case, then I'd just be an average, mediocre person with no special skills. I kind of like my special skills. I kind of like being the best at things. But today I'm sick of pushing pushing pushing myself. I just want to sit around and drink my juice and wait for this kidney stone to pass! But I don't have the luxury, because I have an audition on Friday and a festival on Saturday, so I put my nose back to the grindstone.

What I Have Learned

I finished my last final tonight!! I'm officially a 2nd year grad student now. Don't you think this occasion warrants a blog entry? Here are some things I learned that I never knew before:

1. I know the difference between simple and rounded binary form.
2. I know the difference between a bridge and a re-transition.
3. I can define bebop
4. I know how to write in Chicago style
5. I learned all about accompanist Andre Benoist and made the acquaintance of his son, Albert.
6. I RE-learned how to modulate and
7. how to harmonize figured bass and
8. how to identify all the various augmented 6th chords (Do you think that will ever stick in my brain? I've forgotten already)
9. I discovered Mary Lou Williams
10. I became painfully aware of the effects of the Jim Crow laws in the South
11. I discovered Fred Hersch
12. I learned to play the Chopin 4th Ballade!!
13. And the Rachmaninoff 4th piano concerto!!
14. And Granados' El Pelele!!
15. My kids learned how to do laundry (lol)
16. I learned that the world will not end if I don't clean my house
17. I learned that if I get up early, I can accomplish 3x more in my day
18. I learned that my husband would stand by me while I accomplish a dream of mine (What a guy; he has been very supportive)
19. I've tried to learn to be respectful of authority. Don't know if I'll ever learn that really well, but I'm making strides :)
20. I learned that if you have a dream, no one is going to pursue it for you. You pretty much have to step forward and take it!

It's been a great year. SOOO glad it's over.

Last Day of the Semester

Today was kind of an important day for me. It was my last day of official classes in my first year of graduate school. All I have left are a couple of cinchy finals and my jury. I'll be done for good next Thursday.

I finished my research paper on Mary Lou Williams today, also. I asserted that it was she who started the bebop movement, even though she has never been credited with doing so, and in fact, is never even categorized as a bebopper at all. But she was. She was the person who taught Thelonious Monk (the "high priest of bop") everything he knew. She gave him the foundation of his style. If I were really interested in history and research and writing, this would be a great doctoral thesis. I'll send you my paper to read if you are interested in this subject at all. I think it's groundbreaking, but what do I know?

I have LOVED my jazz class this semester. I learned so much, and discovered so much great music. I can't wait to take some jazz lessons next semester. I'm going to learn the rest of my graduate recital this summer, and then plunge head first into jazz. It's going to be painful, but I can't wait to play like Shirley Horne and Fred Hersch.

I'm so proud of me! This has been a demanding but rewarding and wonderful year.

#'s 11-20

Back to the "Bucket List." I am having a little trouble with my internet (I got a new "improved" wireless thingy, and it disconnected me before I could post this the other day, so I'll try again.

11. Use proceeds of music sales to create clean water facilities in 3rd world communities (11A: Create proceeds from music sales. lol)

12. Get nominated for a Grammy. I don't care so much about winning the ACTUAL Grammy, but I would love to make a recording that was significant enough to be nominated.

13. Re-establish my yoga muscles. I've been dreaming all year about the beautiful muscles I had last year when I was practicing yoga regularly. Being in school has conflicted with my yoga practice. I'll get to practice pretty regularly this summer, but after graduation, watch out!

14. Write a collection of arrangements for use in ballet class. I've been learning about form in my jazz class, and found a couple of forms that would be PERFECT for ballet class: the march (ragtime) and 32-bar popular song form. The best news is that much of that music is now becoming public domain. I hope to get a website going and self-publish.

15. Learn how to positively relate to all my children. It's a challenge, striking a balance between love and responsibility and discipline and learning.

16. This one is a fascination, rather than an all-out goal. Last week I heard Monte Alexander play a melodica, which is a relative to the accordion. He was fantastic! This week I've been listening to a group called "Hot Club of Detroit" (get it?). They have an accordion player, and the music is so fun! So I guess I'd like to get myself a melodica and fool around with it. I'll bet it would free me up to improvise, since I would view it as a toy rather than a legitimate instrument. Anything to get these ears working.

17. Play/Perform/Record all the works of Debussy. Pretty ironic that I haven't put any of them on my graduate recital, seeing as how I love his music so much. Yesterday I heard a friend of mine play the last piece from "Pour le piano." It was fabulous.

18. Move to Spain and study at the Marshall Academie. This is a goal that I should have done as a teenager, but now I'm not a teenager, and I don't know how it would ever work out, since Scott would need to have a job there. I wonder if there is a famous music school in Madrid? I guess he'd rather be in Madrid. Either is fine with me. I'd love to spend some extended time in Spain. I guess I'd better

19. Learn Spanish. (Not a lifetime dream, but necessary to accomplish #18)

20. Perform a concerto with an orchestra. I hope to be able to accomplish this in 2011. We shall see.